Men’s Dictionary

I can’t believe that no-one rated or posted a reply to this!
What a sad crowd of humourless %!”%!$£s!

Anyway, I just received an email from a former work colleague, a divorcee whose opinion of men is dominated by a love/hate frame of mind, so I thought I would revive this video to bring a little piquancy to Valentines Day and, I hope it will not induce a fit of pique in too many of my fellow men.

The Why’s of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don’t have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don’t stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You’re laughing, aren’t you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties )

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don’t know, it never happened)

( C’mon guys, they laugh at our blonde jokes!)

And finally

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven’t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart…Then you are just an old sour puss !

One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt . Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, ” University of Oklahoma .”

And they say blondes are dumb…
———————————————–

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
“I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
The woman replies, “I’ll miss you…”

It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower . ” Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.

———————————————–

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour

———————————————————–

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death.
AMEN

——————————————————————————————————————————— -
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practising to be men.
———————————————–

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

———————————————————–

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manual.”

Hope at least the girls will enjoy the above

Bob

Very funny video! In Frasier Daphne says to Frasier “Don’t tell me you men have never used sex to get what you want!” Frasier responds “How can men use sex to get what they want? Sex IS what they want!”

Apologies to Frasier writers if I didn’t quite get the quotes right!

x for teacher x

PS Very funny comment from marinas morris too! Well worth a read!

Dear teacher
Very interesting opinion about men’s thoughts! I am amazed to see that you know Gunther and the sunshine girls, I didn’t know it was a world wide phenomenon.
Amicalement
Your devoted student
Don Felipe Gonzales, theGunther&thesunshinegirlsfanatic

While there is an element (large) in what you say, Marina, do I detect a note of bitterness and misandry (there’s an interesting and little used word to talk about) in what your dictionary? Come to think of it, I had the same impression about your women’s dictionaries too.

I think the point here is not that men want to have sex; it’s that what women object to is that having sex is all they want. Wanting sex per se is surely no crime; I think it’s safe to say that both men and women want it. However, it’s assumed that for men there is no emotional component at all. Looks like you think that’s true all around, all the time. A point one might discuss….

lostforwords

damm…an element OF TRUTH I meant to say.

I wish you could edit posts after you post them. You can do that on some fora.

Women want to be desired. You of all people know that! That’s women’s power over men. Men only think about the pleasure they will get personally from sex (narcissism right? they might as well jerk off!) And women want to be desired by every man, that’s why being treated as a means to an end is so galling. It offends a woman’s narcissism. So there is a common denominator here: narcissism…. what’s the solution? I have some ideas….

Hehe, your dress still is nice, tkae it as you want it :!: , where you got that stuff from ?
And for all the others, you never kidded a Woman ? :wink:

Hum, most of the time I just try to react on a Woman, so…….she plays with me……what the hell else ? The outcome is her………can´t tell her to …. me :!: (there are way more Womans around than just this one :!: , “if she ever understands” ?)

If you like it or not (I don´t like it), man mostly run for the young and innocent. Mostly they whistle to them and tell em about how much they “love em”, the young ladies mostly don´t know about it and fall for the man. After all they show their ego and turn to pigs, lazy in the corner running when you have something for them (hehe, just need the right things, and you can make a dog fall for you till it is empty).

I don´t like that, I´m a man too and I get called and watched like a ass…. by woman because of such foolishness some of those so called man show. You mostly can see it before you talked to them, it´s their eyes, face, the way they walk and move. Could say their parents never treat them right, but with this I would gain a lot of hate from them so I normaly stay quiet and let those crack-heads duck behind them.

i love the mans dictionary not that i act that way for the most of it any way but is very funny i could hear myself saying a few of those line’s and mostly for the way you told us awe some i would like you to tell us what (awe -some) is and where it came from i don’t know but i say it

Word Request for “Marriage”

Paraphrasing the HFW Men’s Dictionary introduction “Don’t take this seriously” or at least not all of it. Why such a NARROW VIEW of men’s vocabulary in which men’s real meanings are just expressions for sex, sex, sex, etc? IT SOUNDS LIKE A SINGLES BAR MEN’S DICTIONARY.

To hear a fuller range of men’s particularities in word meanings, women must experience the eternal ecstasy of marriage or at least cozy cohabitation. THE MAN-WOMAN INTERACTION CHANGES AFTER LEAVING THE SINGLES SCENE FOR THE ALTAR, DUH. George Bernard Shaw summed this up about romantic marriage “When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition until death do them part.”

THERE IS QUITE A CONTRAST BETWEEN MINGLING WITH MEN AND KNOWING YOUR HUSBAND. Consider this (Married) Men’s Dictionary:

* “I can’t find it.” – REALLY MEANS: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
* “That’s women’s work.” – REALLY MEANS: “It’s dirty, difficult and thankless.”
* “Will you marry me?” – REALLY MEANS: “Both my roommates have moved out, I can’t find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter.”
* “It’s a guy thing.” – REALLY MEANS: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
* “Can I help with dinner?” – REALLY MEANS: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
* “It would take too long to explain.” – REALLY MEANS: “I have no idea how it works.”
* “I’m getting more exercise lately.” – REALLY MEANS: “The batteries in the remote are dead.”
* “We’re going to be late.” – REALLY MEANS: “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”
* “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” – REALLY MEANS: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
* “That’s interesting, dear.” – REALLY MEANS: “Are you still talking?”
* “Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.” – REALLY MEANS: “I forgot our anniversary again.”
* “It’s really a good movie.” – REALLY MEANS: “It’s got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women.”
* “You know how bad my memory is.” – REALLY MEANS: ” I remember the words to the theme song of “F Troop”, the address of the first girl I kissed, the VIN of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
* “I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.” – REALLY MEANS: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong.”
* “Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself. It’s no big deal.” – REALLY MEANS: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”
* “I do help around the house.” – REALLY MEANS: “I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket.”
* “Hey, I’ve got reasons for what I’m doing.” – REALLY MEANS: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
* “What did I do this time?” – REALLY MEANS: “What did you catch me at?”
* “I heard you.” – REALLY MEANS: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.”
* “You really look terrific in that outfit.” – REALLY MEANS: “Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”
* “I brought you a present.” – REALLY MEANS: “It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game.”
* “I missed you.” – REALLY MEANS: “I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.”
* “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” – REALLY MEANS: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
* “This relationship is getting too serious.” – REALLY MEANS: “I like you as much as I like my truck.”
* “I don’t need to read the instructions.” – REALLY MEANS: “I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.”

How much richer a Men’s Dictionary is when manifested in matrimony.

Yet another men’s dictionary could exist to decode man-man talk for women. But “It’s a guy thing.”

The etymology of marriage follows a familiar route from Middle English marien, Old French marier, from Vulgar Latin marÄ«tāre and Classical Latin marÄ«tus with the meaning of “pledge”. Ho hum, yawn. And more interestingly from Proto-Germanic wadjojanan and Old Norse veðja with the meaning of “to bet, wager”.

lol thats funns as! But so not true to most of us guys! Love the dress Marina :twisted: hehe jk’s

marina , please can i be your teachers pet in your next vieo please ??? :mrgreen: :mrgreen: , i would really appreciate it if you would do that for me baby

This comment is a Word Request for “Synergism”.

Humorously, but not entirely so, there may be more to the men’s real meaning of “I want to have sex with you” such as “because I’m not getting any now and it’s been a long time” or “to be considered as worthy of fathering your children” or somewhere in between. Or more likely the real meaning may be just “I want to know you better so we can find out if we should date (or mate) (and make love)”.

Say it like this Men’s Dictionary does or any way you want to focus on the sexual aspect of relations, sex is a natural synergistic component in mating. So what? Let’s appreciate the biology that this involves.

in which the good part is that men are always ready (when women are ready) and the bad part is that men are always ready (when women aren’t so ready, or ready at all). Women’s sexual readiness, satisfaction and mood vary during their menstrual cycle. Men enjoy a steady high flow of testosterone.

In addition to producing the egg to be fertilized, the woman nurtures the fetus during gestation and births the baby. To that point the only necessary contribution by the man has been a shot in the dark. Is this fair to women? That’s how humans are.

In mammals including humans, males are the sexual pursuers and females are the choosers, duh. However in humans there is no obvious external indication of ovulation. To attract men, women exhibit their fertility if that is permissible. To be chosen by women, men display virility and work to become good providers beyond their own needs to impress women as capable of conceiving, protecting and supporting a family. It’s only Human and male sexual virility is part of Natural Selection.In the big picture of evolution, men and women share the same goal that is to pass their genes to future generations by conception, protection and nurturing of children. We have complementary biological equipment and specialty orientations for this mutual purpose. That’s Life.

In addition to a strategy of providing a secure home for and quality nurturing of his children with a particular woman, men may conceive children by a number of women for simultaneous gestation and nurturing by them. However few men have the resources of a king, pharaoh or sultan to protect and provide for multiple women and their children. Women who conceive their children with men pursuing the number’s strategy may be on their own to protect and nurture. In a society where there are plenty of men with means, the number’s strategy is not generally acceptable.

So women naturally are the choosers and men naturally have more options to pursue than women have. Is it a fair deal for men and women? Biology is not a deal. It’s the way we are.

Civilization provides protection for children. Modern work situations can blur or dissolve sex role lines. Modern life possibilities can make a man too slow to commit and a woman too hard to get. Consider modern romantic love, soul mates, etc. Maybe evolution will adapt humans to all this in a million or so years. But for now, that’s the way it is and we are what we are.

So let’s appreciate the natural synergism of the sexes.

Synergism is a very good and interesting word in modern and ancient times. Even just human synergy can mean so many things. Synergism not only applies to the human sexes today but also in sports (teamwork), theology, drugs, media, corporate, etc. From as far back as the Greek synergos “working together” we have had a concept linguistically that with Synergism the whole can be greater than the sum of the parts. From sexual synergism there may become family.

That’s not to mention that Russia’s second largest maker of vodka is named Synergy. Wonder why?

This just sounds like she’s married a moron. You made a word request and then you’ve tried to dictate your own definitions. If thats the way you think then thats the way you’ll probably be precieved by your mate in a marriage. What your defining above is the justification a woman who is dissatisfied in her marriage would consider for filing for a divorce. This is just stokesjrj1 thoughts on this subject that dvorak has iterated above.As to the etymology and its meaning , thats for the married couple to define and agree upon so as too be a limiting factor in arguments which come about in their marriage. (Just my opinion)

Also speaking non-seriously:

The stars have spoken

“There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.” Clint Eastwood

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.” Mae West

“I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.” Woody Allen

“I know nothing about sex because I was always married.” Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner

A wise man Socrates (469 BC – 399 BC) spoke

“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

What’s your best bet on the Proto-Germanic wadjojanan and Old Norse veðja meaning? I’d wager that referred to the risks of a wife’s death in childbirth or that the husband may be a moron.

Its interesting that Socrates wisdom has endured so many years.

By what virtue do the stars have any authority except in the minds of the men and women? Still all I hear is someone looking to pass off the blame on too, You have presented no worth while argument. If people in a marriage and one is dissatisfied, divorce but to shift the blame too the other either through actions or inactions or the lack of actions, based upon hiding necessarily information is a willful act of malicious intent. and as to your wanting to bet is not the woman the best equipped of gods creations for the childbirth. Would he intended a man to birth children as a woman then the man would be called female and not the woman and would be equipped as a woman. As too Socrates thats just another attempt for justification for a attempt at a misapplication of resources.

You should be able to comment here.

wow the difference between men and woman dictionary is that is seems that men want sex and woman want to trap you with their words with double meanings :shock:

are u ok u seemed sad :cry: but ur right us guys like the sex lol

I love your dress, i love you, and Can i call you are words i’m sure many men, including me, would like to say to you. Also, say dictianary a lot, because it sounds very cute when you say it! :wink:

:lol: :lol:

Oh, GREAT! All my efforts to appear learned and witty have been a transparent sham! :evil:

marinas morris (Bob): Hey dar…best rack of jokes I’ve read in ['Coon's Age']…#4 is good, but then they all were funny :lol: :lol: :razz: “thats what she said”

:smile: My random and I suggest more of these kind of shows. :smile: [pain]…pain is a word with so many meanings….pain is mean…sex is pain…pain is mental and most miss-understood . :lol: Legal pain and fake pain…..dope for pain and the dope pain makes…..peace my my love of pain???? :cool: look it up…[PaiN]

[FIRE]…random for a friend, it’ll never end…[fire=erif] or reif…AMERICA says: never say fire, speak freely :wink: :smile:

I love your dress means: ” I love your Boobs” LOL

natural cure for sleep and snoring problems…

This is guranteed to cure you snoring. No need for mouthpieces, sprays, surgery or other drastic measures. 100% natural…

Marina! I hate to say this, but you are correct on all accounts (including the gay one). All we want to do is practice making babies! (except for the gay one – LOL!)

:mrgreen:

Happy gas and crappy ass…how have you been?

…cheer to your seasons and 2011…The 5.6.7.8′s at the Dirty Water Club….free the poison gas or smell the results…go army go/dictionaries and mercinaries…folk lore and farts….good farts are spelling?<—Bad Religion – The Devil in Stitches – The Dissent of man